Work Life Balance

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Work Life Balance

Seven or eight years ago, when my kids were much younger, I attended an offsite.

One of the speakers was a organizational psychologist who spoke on "work life balance".

Although I didn't know it at the time, it was an issue that I was really struggling with, having just started Flatiron, wanting badly to prove myself to my partners and investors, and also struggling with a family - three young kids and a wife.

The speaker said something that really shook me up. He said, "if you don't connect deeply with your kids before they turn teenagers, you never will". My kids were probably seven, five, and two at the time. I loved them deeply and the idea that they'd turn away from me when they grew up scared me.

So I made a point to "conect with them", them being the entire family, including my wife.

Why do I tell you this?

Because Brad Feld has a great post, one of the best he's ever done, up on his blog right now about work life balance.

Brad tells an even scarier story (and I knew Brad back then and its true).

But he also gives his ~~four~~ five point plan which is similar to a less formal approach that The Gotham Gal and I have used for years with great results.

I love entrepreneurs who work like crazy, but I also like to see a balance in their lives to keep things stable. Brad's plan is a good way to go if you feel like you need some balance in your life.

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» Keeping the Balance from Newsome.Org
Maybe it's me, but I sense that people in general are pretty understanding in 2005 if you aren't available on a certain date due to a family event (I refuse to use the word obligation). When I first had kids, I felt a little uneasy telling someone I co... [Read More]

Tracked on Jul 26, 2005 11:26:38 PM

» What balance? from What's Next?
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» Work Life Balance from Zoli's Blog
I've read two posts on Work Life Balance recently by Brad Feld and Steve Shu. What a co-incidence that I received a relevant email today... it's one of those chain-mails, I don't even know who to credit as original author, but it's good enough that I ... [Read More]

Tracked on Jul 27, 2005 1:58:23 PM

Posted July 26, 2005 in Venture Capital and Technology

Comments

how does the need for "work life balance" balance with your seeming embrace of tom friedman's "flat earth"? perhaps the "work life balance" is about to become (if it ever was anything else) a luxury for the very affluent? and a curse for everyone else?

to wit, in a "flat earth" where we now compete with wired highly educated and trained but dirt cheap third world labor, how exactly do we in the west manage to work less (that is, achieve work life balance by spending less time at work?)

if western europe is any indication -- and i urgently believe it is -- their desire to achieve "work life balance" led directly to the 30-35 hour work week, and national health plans, and statuatory 6 weeks/year vacations, etc. -- and so also to huge high levels of taxation, unemployment, in short widespread cultural/national lethargy and uncompetitiveness.

what's the answer? i have no idea. but i do know the question -- how do we stay competitive while working less?

Posted by: steve | Jul 26, 2005 9:29:35 AM

I'm not a big venture capital guy, but I have had an all to similar experience in my life as Brad did. I worked my way onto a huge enterprise wide software project 7 years ago that ended up lasting three long years. I knew it was my ticket to much bigger things and it put me in front of some heavy decision makers at our company on a regular basis. It meant doing essentially two jobs and traveling two weeks each month, sometimes all four. At the same time, my wife and I were struggling to have a baby. I think the hardest thing to deal with is finally realizing that you are in fact detached, when you've convinced yourself that you're not. My wife must have beat me up about being absent a hundred times before resorting to issuing ultimatums. You respond by offering explanations about how if this doesn't get fixed, the whole project will fail, or how if you don't take this call, they'll second guess your commitment, etc..., but in reality the whole time I’m saying this all my wife was hearing was, I’m hurting and YOU CARE MORE ABOUT THIS CRAP THAN ME.

It’s hard to recognize the imbalance, not from a time perspective, but from a mental attachment/detachment position. This is the part of Brad’s article that hits home for me. We got through our struggle and came out better for it. We got lucky and got pregnant after giving up all hope and were trying to emerge from the grieving stage when it happened. The turning point was me admitting that the balance was out of whack no matter what my ego was telling me.

I look back on those times and wonder how we steered through that cloud. I also reflect on those times and how awful they were to keep me centered on what’s important. I also can easily see how so many marriages fail in similar circumstances. I don’t know how you or Brad would describe the transition to better balance, but mine did involve my management second-guessing my commitment a bit. The difference, which kept me here, was that I told myself that on this topic, they were wrong and I was right. Getting home on time to eat my wife’s dinner, rub her pregnant feet, clean the kitchen, watch tube with her, etc… was WAY more important than answering the million voicemails, clearing my desk off (if that’s ever possible), etc… I also started making the little sacrifices that I should have been making all along such as taking the early Monday flight vs Sunday evening. The old me would say the extra night at home didn’t matter, the new me KNOWS it does. Now that my daughter is around, it’s that much more clear.

I cut out of work at 4:00 yesterday to go see my daughters ballet class. A bunch of little 3 year olds clumsily attempting to follow the instructors moves in their little pink leotards. It only takes these moments to reaffirm what your priorities are. I’m glad I didn’t miss it.

Posted by: Tony Alva | Jul 26, 2005 9:58:45 AM

Steve,

This doesn't relate to the work/life balance point directly, but I wanted to address something raised by your post. Let me say that I think Tom Friedman's "The-World-is-Flat thesis is a little bit silly. It's a silly metaphor, because ina round world the distances between two pints on the globe are much closer than they would be if it were literally flat.

National health insurance would be cheaper per capita and would cover the 43 million uninsured. It might even be cheaper absolutely. You don't need to favor European-style labor market regulation to think that it's a good idea. In fact, universal coverage, not tied to employment, would probably make our labor markets more flexible, and they might even encourage entrepreneurial activity--despite the higher taxes (maybe this is the small potatoes stuff,the sort of thing that's beneath the rad of a venture capitalist, but a lot of people stay in jobs they don't like, because they need the health benefits.

It's not just an issue of social justice. It's also about economic competitiveness. Toyota recently decided to build a new plant in Ontario despite offers of generous subsidies from Southern states for two reasons. First, the level of literacy in Alabam was not adequate. Second, even with higher taxes, it was going to cost $4-5 less per hour to hire a Canadian employee, because Toyota wouldn't have to provide health benefits.

Posted by: Abby Vigneron | Jul 26, 2005 11:35:14 AM

Actually, Brad's plan has FIVE points. I am not being pedantic, just curious which point Fred ignored... [g]

Posted by: Alexander Peschkoff | Jul 26, 2005 2:40:14 PM

Work/Life balance is an oversimplification. It implies that if you spend X time at work and Y time outside of work, you will have a balanced life.

The fact is that some work and some play are more rewarding than others.

If you love your job, and your main activity outside of work is watching CSPAN, you probably shouldn't be seeking a mathematical "balance."

My own personal opinion is that balance is a terrible thing to seek. Instead, you need to decide whether your work or your personal life is the highest priority.

If you claim that your family is the highest priority, yet you spend 100 hours a week working, then you are either a liar or doing a terrible job of allocating your time.

When I was young and stupid and had just started my first company, I left my wife stranded in a hotel room with no car and no food to finish a strategic planning meeting.

I'm lucky that she didn't leave me. But that was because at the time I thought work should be the highest priority.

Now that I'm older and wiser (and I have two kids), I know that my family is the highest priority, and I live up to my words. I have chosen a life where I'm in the office for only 40 hours per week, and where I can spend almost all of the rest of my time with my family.

But you know what is funny? I think that I've gotten so much more efficient with my time that I can actually get more done now than I could when I was a 24-year-old dot-com paper millionaire.

Now in relation to the post about how the desire for balance has crippled Europe, the issue is not that people want balance, the issue is that people want to legislate balance and aren't willing to accept the consequences.

I have accepted less money in order to spend time with my family. That's my choice.

Mandating a 35-hour week and inflexible labor markets takes choices away, rather than giving people more choices.

I'm all for everyone following the priorities that will make them happy--I just don't want the government to force people down a particular path. The logic behind a legally mandated 35-hour work week is simply absurd.

Posted by: Chris Yeh | Jul 26, 2005 6:39:52 PM

I'm in the "thinking about having a kid phase" and I really appreciate the insight the article, Fred and the other posters have been able to give. Great posts.

Posted by: Kip | Jul 27, 2005 10:53:20 AM

Posted by: JEROGatch | Nov 8, 2006 10:19:46 AM

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