VC Cliche of the Week

I don't have the inspiration this morning so I am going to turn this post over to the readers.

Please post your favorite VC cliches in the comments section and I'll bring them up to the front page.
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Thanks everyone! I may reblog some of these.  Go to the comments to get the explanations for them.

"There's no there there" - Charlie

"skin in the game" - Simon

"shoulder to shoulder" - Simon

"We can move quickly" - Jay Rand

"We're not investing in this space right now" - Charlie Crystle

"You're too early for us" - Derek Scruggs

"We DO seed stage investments" (when they actually don't) - Simon Veingard

Sustainable competitive advantage - Daniel Nerezov

"Orders of magnitude" - Greg

"Sweat equity." - Joe

We provide more than just capital. - Alistair

"That's management's problem" as opposed to "that's a management problem."  - Tom Evslin

Its not just our money its our contacts - Brian

now tell us what you would do with five times the investment amount - Brian

we're entrepreneurs too - Brian

"They have a good story to tell." - Keith Alioto

"let's wait until we get our guys in there to see where the bodies are buried"  - Keith Alioto

"It's the golden rules.  He who has the gold, makes the rules." - Flint

We have a "hands-on" approach. - Hooman Radfar

This ain't my first Bar-B-Q. - Jackson

It looks good from my house. - Jackson

Someday this war is gonna end. - Jackson

Water on the lectern. - Jackson

We don't have a problem building a bridge, but there's got to be another side. - Johannes Ernst

Friendly Fire - Ken Berger

"How will you reach the beach?" - David Churbuck

"What's your Microsoft (Google)(AOL)play?" - David Churbuck

"Eat what you kill." - David Churbuck

Scalable and repeatable sales process. - Chris Yeh

"bowling alley effect" - Ruchit

What's your "unfair advantage"? - An Entrepreneur

"First mover" - An Entrepreneur

Will the dogs eat the dog food? - Bill Bryant

"Can Microsoft develop this too?" - Caspar

"defensible intellectual property" - Bob Chatham

"this will be a long movie" and "I've seen this movie before" - Toni

"let's drain this swamp" - Toni

"Too much has to go right for you to succeed." - Mark Sigal 

"Who do you look like?" - Mark Sigal

"It's as deadly to be too early as it is to be too late." - Mark Sigal

Deal Rhythm. - Daniel Nerezov

"Value-Added Investor" - James Haft

What's your value add? - David Cavalier

Let's not reinvent the wheel - David Cavalier

We're "value added" investors - David Cavalier

We need smart money in the deal - David Cavalier

Let's see how they block and tackle - David Cavalier

"Forecasting rain is one thing, building an ark is another." - Mike Santer

"In the beginning you need the barbarians." - Mike Santer/John Chambers

"If you don't know your meat, you better know your butcher." - Mike Santer

"There's always more month at the end of the money." - Mike Santer 

"If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes." - Mike Santer

"Make dust or eat dust." - Mike Santer

"Second place is still losing." - Mike Santer

"That Company's multiple (earnings or sales) discounts not only the future, but also the hereafter." - Mike Santer

"It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find next morning that it was someone else." - Mike Santer

"You're telling Noah about high water." - Mike Santer

"Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered" - Greg Haslam

"there's a lot of hair on that deal" - Greg Haslam

Comments

[Charlie]

There's no there there.

[Simon]

One of my favorites, and something that is important whether you are judging an entrepreneur, a board member or a vc firm, is whether they have enough, "skin in the game".

"Skin in the game", refers to the person's level of involvement/commitment.

So, for example, a serial entrepreneur who is starting a new company but has another company that he is also working on simultaneously may not have sufficient "skin in the game" to justify an investment.

In many cases you want someone who has made some kind of sacrifice, ex. left a job at a good company, invested their life's savings or taken out loans to finance the business, etc. because it demonstrates commitment.

This brings to mind a related cliché, "shoulder to shoulder". In this case, you want an entrepreneur who will stand "shoulder to shoulder" with you.

This means someone who stands with you, taking the same risks and sharing in the rewards. It is used to connote an alignment of interests.

[JayR]

Here's one of my favorites - "We can move quickly." Many entrepreneurs are put off by the process that VCs usually employ in making an investment. They don't like the time that it takes and the resources that it uses up. So VCs like to say this to keep things moving and keep the entrepreneurs interested. The fact is that institutional VCs will typically follow that process, and with a good VC it's hard to take short cuts.

[charlie crystle]

"We're not investing in this space right now."

This space meaning your company.

[Derek Scruggs]

"You're too early for us."

Meaning, go create a ton of value and remove all the risk before we take half your company for not-enough capital. ;)

[Simon Veingard]

VC's website investment criteria states "We DO seed stage investments"

VC's response to pitch "We DON'T do seed stage"

Meaning? Perhaps the VC hasn't updated their website since the dot-com era... or was our pitch was that bad ;-)

[Daniel Nerezov]

Sustainable competitive advantage.

Lord knows what that is ( I mean c'mon, really) and for how long it's sustainable.

[Greg]

"Orders of magnitude"

A common cliche of those in the venture business, as well as of the management teams in search of funding. Incremental innovation does not ever seem to intrigue VC's quite as much as technology that offers "orders of magnitude" improvement. Young teams are often sent in search of seasoned executives who can offer "orders of magnitude" improvement on process and organizational management.

"Orders of magnitude" companies produce the homeruns of a VC portfolio, but I wonder how many doubles and triples are overlooked in the search? George Brett and Robin Yount made it all the way to the Hall of Fame on the strength of the double.

[Joe]

"Sweat equity." Preferred stock given to the founders even though they have not made a comparable capital investment.

[charlie crystle]

Comparable capital investment? "Even though?" Are you implying that my 16 hours a day have less value than capital? Anyone can give capital. Innovation, market identification, market creation are all part of sweat equity. Kids that get financed solely on business plans and grad school pedigree might not really get that, but I certainly do.

[Alistair]

We provide more than just capital.........

Russian prostitutes offer "not just coffee....."

[Tom Evslin]

"That's management's problem" as opposed to "that's a management problem." The former is music to a CEO's ears because it means the VCs are gonna leave management space to work out the problem. The latter means the VCs think the CEO IS the problem.

[Joe]

Charlie -- that was my poorly articulated point. I didn't mean to imply that sweat equity was less valuable than a financial investment at all.

[Brian Puckett]

1. Its not just our money its our contacts,

2. now tell us what you would do with five times the investment amount,

and my favorite,

2. we're entrepreneurs too!

[Keith Alioto]

Before a company presents to us I love hearing the partners preface it with, "They have a good story to tell."
I'm always disappointed by the lack of castles, dragons and/or aliens in their "stories." Maybe that just doesn't translate well to PowerPoint.
A new one I've heard recently is, "let's wait until we get our guys in there to see where the bodies are buried" in reference to due diligence and auditing the financials.

[Flint]

From a VC - "It's the golden rules. He who has the gold, makes the rules."

You hear that when the VC knows you are desperate to close the round and you are about take a major bath.

[Hooman Radfar]

We have a "hands-on" approach.

Babelfish translation (VCese-->Entrepreneurese): We are going to call you every day until you make us money.

[jackson]

Here's some from the world of Pahrmacuetical Sales Meeting Production:

This ain't my first Bar-B-Q.

It looks good from my house.

Someday this war is gonna end.

Water on the lectern.

[Johannes Ernst]

We don't have a problem building a bridge, but there's got to be another side.

Or variations on it.

[Ken Berger]

Friendly Fire. (Fred- we already chatted about this but I'll share it here):

I am hearing this particular phrase a lot lately. It's always from a VC who beckons an entrep to confide in them, be brave and share their business plan-- then expect SHARP CRITICISM, often to the point of having the plan and would-be VC funding aspirations torn apart. The thinking is that the entrep should be happy to receive such feedback the 'easy way'--from a 'friend', rather than the hard way-- from the VC they REALLY want the term sheet from.
Hence "Friendly Fire".

[David Churbuck]

"How will you reach the beach?"
"What's your Microsoft (Google)(AOL)play?"
"Eat what you kill."
ad infinitum

[Devin]

{At a VC event}

Q: So, what do you look for in a startup in market X?
A1: You mean, why we invest in one company?
A2: Yes, I believe me meant the alpha--
...
Moderator: Anyone want to answer the question?

[Chris Yeh]

Scalable and repeatable sales process.

[Ruchit]

"bowling alley effect" not sure if this is usual VCs cliche, but yeah that is something which stakeholders want to achieve.

[An Entrepreneur]

What's your "unfair advantage"? is a question I often heard when pitching deals. Investors don't want a level playing field, they want a field tipped unfairly toward the business they fund. The unfair advantage may be a key partnership, a key patent, a unique and hard to reproduce solution to a very hard problem, etc. "First mover" (another cliche) is not an unfair advantage for most businesses, though many founders would like to believe it is.